That's my take...what's yours?

an interactive blog with Michael C.

Scrap these 3 Olympic "Sports"

I'm all for recognizing Olympians, but the "sports" below are ridiculous and need to be scrapped! In no particular order...

1 - Equestrian [the horse does all the work - if thoroughbred horse racing is allowed as an Olympic sport, then equerstrian can stay]

2 - Table Tennis (let's call it what it is...ping pong! If nine-ball is allowed as an Olympic sport, then ping pong can stay)

3 - Speed Walking ["swing those arms...move those hips..." - what a joke! can someone explain to me why free-running/parkour is not an Olympic sport while speed walking is?]

that's my take, what's yours?

Comments (2)

May Day Done the Shidiot Way!

If I were unemployed, I would've spent today either looking for a job or relaxing and enjoying the sunny skies and 70 degree weather here in NYC. Unfortunately, I had to work. And what did I leave work to see? May Day Shidiotfest 2012!

Yet again, the Occupy Wall Street Gang show up with their "unified" message..."Protest Anything & Everything!"

See below for some of the signs I saw:

"Full Citizenship Rights for All Immigrants" (front of sign) [sure, let's give full citizenship rights to all immigrants who enter the country illegally...seems like a good idea...so does having unprotected sex with a prostitute in Singapore]

"For Class War Against the Imperialist War" (back of sign) [I'm not sure I even know wtf this means...but I'll put my money on the Imperialists (especially if they've gone to the Dark Side of the Force!]

"Property Destruction is Not Violence" [uhh...so if I'm road raging and get out of my car, shoot a few 9mm rounds into your hood, slash your tires and kick in your car windows, that's not violence??? Alrighty then! We have a deal!]

"Students and Workers Unite" [Why? One group is working and the other group is avoiding it (English, history, philosphopy, etc. majors). Where's the common bond?]

"We're here for you too" [Don't try to lay a guilt trip on me baby! Go f*ck yourself! I've got better things not to do.]

"Human Rights! End Corporate Rule" [I'm not sure if this is aimed at Goldman Sachs (those darned human rights violators!) or the Chinese government (those corporate bastards!).]

"Child Labor Makes Cell Phones" [Even if that's true, they're getting paid and they need to survive. Maybe if third-world kids had welfare and project housing, they wouldn't need to make cell phones. Why don't the Occupiers walk in their shoe-less feet for a week?]

And last, but not least, one of my favorites...

"Know Your Rights" [I do! And obviously you Occupiers do too! You have a right to bitch and whine about anything and everything, cause people with jobs and businesses (who aren't close to being in the so-called "99%") to be inconvenienced and in some cases lose their jobs and businesses (i.e. when you took over the park for months), and collect welfare while protesting instead of looking for a job.]

Well, at least it's all in the name of the "greater good' right? To paraphrase the great Mr. Lahey from the Trailer Park Boys...They're comin for you Occupiers...the giant shit hawks...they're gonna swoop down and take you to the giant shit nest...

One can only hope Lahey's right...you shidiots!!!

That's my take, what's yours?

Comments (3)

The Hanky...efen gross!!!

So i'm on the subway and I see an older fellow pull out a hanky and blow his nose repeatedly into it.  Then he puts it back in his pocket.  Snot for later?  Snot pocket? Mmmmm....how disgusting!!!

That's my take....what's yours?

Comments (2)

Is anyone else out there sick of the NFL "launch tackle"?

I've been seeing the launch tackle more and more over the past couple NFL seasons. You know, when a defender launches himself like a missile head first into the ball carrier in an attempt to tackle him by knocking him over? Absolutely pathetic! Did these players miss out on "Tackling 101" when playing high school/community/college football? Is the NFL promoting it because it looks better on TV when it works? [Which isn't often.] What happened to wrapping up a ball carrier with your arms and wrestling him to the ground or hanging on to his legs until he slams into to the turf?

If you think the launch tackle is effective, go back and watch the first touchdown drive of the Giants in their playoff game against the Packers on Sunday. [This is only one of a vast number of examples during last weekend's games.] Manning hit Nicks with a pass for a 66 yarder - the first TD of the game. The pass itself was only 23 yards. The run-after-catch accounted for the rest. What you'll notice is that when Nicks caught the ball at midfield, Charlie Peprah (strong safety from the Packers) was coming straight at him along the 50 yard line and launched himself head first at Nicks. Did he knock Nicks to the ground? No. Did he attempt to wrap him up with his arms? No. Did he slow him down? No. If he had attempted to wrap him up with his arms would he had tackled him or at least slowed him down so that the other three Packers in hot pursuit could have caught him? Surely!!!

I'm not a Packers or a Giants fan. I'm an NFL fan though and I can't believe the fundamentals that are seemingly thrown out the window by some of these guys when they get to the big show. I'll tell you this much, if I were an NFL coach [fortunately I'm way too under-qualified], launch tacklers would have their hands and feet bound, be stood in the center of the field and launch tackled at full speed by every member of the team (including the beer-bellied cigarette-smoking punters) until they understood that the only way it's a consistently effective tackle is when you're...well...a sitting duck!

I'm not saying that the launch tackle cost the Packers the game, but it contributed to their loss. When you watch this coming weekend's games, count how many blown launch-tackles you see. [I would do it myself, but I plan on counting how many shots I can get down during the halftime breaks of each game.]

That's my take, what's yours?

Comments (2)

English 101: How to Pronounce Verbs and Nouns

Aren't we supposed to learn this in grade school? Obviously, some of us haven't! I work with an "educated" bunch in a rather prestigious profession. However, I've come across an interesting phenomenon: some of my colleagues aren't aware of the fact that while some words are both verbs and nouns, their pronunciation differs with use. For the purposes of this post, I will use ALLCAPS to emphasize a syllable. Feel free to read this post aloud so you get the full effect. Let's try it...ENGlish.

Now, I don't claim to be a master of the English language [hell, I'm barley ligiterate], but I do know the difference between PERmit and perMIT. Consider the following conversation:

Other guy - "Has the company lost any of its perMITS?"

Me - [processing response for a couple of seconds] "Uhh...no, the company has all necessary PERmits to conduct its business."

This is not an isolated incident either. At first I thought to myself...maybe it's a geographical thing, like some folks say "soda" and others say "pop". But that just ain't right! The same word can be a verb and a noun, but they are pronounced differently! You can't just choose one pronunciation and use it in all contexts! Think of the consequences, the chaos, the absurdity...

Lawyer - "Your Honor, I OBject!"

Judge - "No caveman lawyer...you PERson."

Boyfriend to girlfriend - "Sweetheart, you are the obJECT of my affection."

Classic flick - "reBEL without a cause"

Occupy Wall Street Leader to followers - "It is time to REbel against the 1%!"

Parent to child on Christmas day - "C'mon Billy...open your preSENT from Santa!"

Master of Ceremonies at an award banquet - "And now, I'd like to PREsent the 2011 championship football trophy to..."

Studio engineer to musician - "Are you ready to REcord the guitar solo?"

Album collector to friend - "Check it out bro, I just bought the first Rolling Stones reCORD ever pressed!"

Grocery shopper to clerk - "Can you tell me where the proDUCE section is?"

and...last, but certainly not least...

Surgeon General to American public - "The new German-engineered erectile dysfunction medication "Haardenschaften" has failed to PROduce evidence that it does what claims to do."

I could go on, but you get the point. It's time to stop the insanity!

That's my take...what's yours?

Hotel Hospitality Lessons from India!

Yes, that's right! On a recent trip to India, I found out what good...no...great hotel service is really like. The hospitality at The Oberoi Hotel in Gurgaon is totally foreign to North American hotels. Now I'm not saying that I've stayed at every high-end hotel in N.A., but I have stayed at some top-notch luxury properties [including Motel 69].

When I arrived at the airport in Delhi, I didn't expect The Oberoi to have sent one of their BMW's to fetch me [that explains why I hopped into a ratty old cab with a driver who needed me to give him directions to the hotel on my first trip to India]. We eventually got there and as we pulled up, it seemed as though we were entering into an embassy as security at the gate was unlike anything I had seen at a hotel; the guards at the gate used mirrors to check under the car, a wand of some sort [I presume to scan for trace explosives] to check the trunk, etc. When we arrived at the top of the driveway, we were greeted by a number of staff members, one of whom asked why I hadn't taken the car that was waiting at the airport for me [duhhh!]. He gave the cabbie a look that was less than endearing and told me that I need not pay, instead, he said "we will take care of him" [Fine with me because the cabbie's meter was outrageously high - that'll teach him for trying to scam the unsuspecting Caucasian tourist!]. I followed a beautiful Indian hostess, Monica, [I don't think that was her given name] through the airport-style metal detector and the porters took my bags [And proceeded to scan them through the metal detector as well - like I can't be trusted!?!].

The property was gorgeous; the lobby, the room, the dining room, the numerous pools, etc. But the service really stood out. There was a person to open every door, a greeter at every hallway intersection and plenty of staff members at the bars and restaurants. As I followed Monica through the lobby doors [which were graciously opened for us by well-dressed Indian gentlemen] and up to my room, we passed many a lovely Indian hostess along the way, each of whom greeted me with praying hands, a smile and a "good afternoon sir". [Needless to say I was really starting to like this place.] When we arrived at the room, Monica showed me around at length [the "butler button" was a nice touch] and asked if she could get anything for me. I thought for a second and asked if she could tell me where I could smoke on the property. She responded "I'll have an ashtray brought to your room sir." [Although I was impressed that I was allowed to smoke in the room, after Monica left, I couldn't help but think that there were more desirable things I could have asked for.] Soon after, my bags arrived and I headed for the Olympic sized pool [not to swim of course, but to sit poolside whilst enjoying a cold Kingfisher].

The poolside attendant, Himanshu, checked on the status of my beer repeatedly, brought me fresh ashtrays, fresh beers and chatted with me. At one point I asked him where I could get some "bidis" [i.e. hand-rolled Indian cigarettes]. He asked "What strength and how many?" I said "Some strong, some light and maybe a carton of each." To which he responded "I'll have them here tomorrow. Do you want them delivered to your room or poolside?" While I tried to dissuade him and told him I would get them myself, he would have none of it. Since that was a pretty good way to end the conversation, I headed to the piano bar. Arjun, a piano bar attendant, asked if I would be going to the restaurant for dinner. I inquired whether they had "goat in a red curry". Although Arjun had to check with the kitchen, he returned a couple minutes later to let me know that the chef would prepare a special order for me and that he would return for me when it was ready. What a meal...delish! On my way out of the restaurant Arjun approached me and confirmed that my bidis would arrive the following day. [Word travels fast at The Oberoi!]

Fast forward to my second evening at the hotel with me sitting at the cigar bar enjoying a Marlboro and a Kingfisher. Enter Arjun who asks if I received my bidis. I explained that I had just got back to the hotel a few minutes prior to arriving at the cigar bar, so "No, I hadn't". He left to call Himanshu and returned 10 minutes later with a fancy "Oberoi" bag containing two bricks of bidis, each wrapped in tissue, one labeled "strong" and one "light". Now that's service! But wait, when I asked what I owed him, he replied "Oh no sir, this is a gift to you as our guest." [??? What response do you think I'd get if I asked where I could get cigarettes at a North American hotel..."There's a store around the corner, just turn right after you leave the front entrance...and don't let the door hit you in the arse you terrible smoking person you!"] I tried to reason with Arjun by telling him they weren't going to pay for my bad habits, but I didn't succeed.

Well the subsequent days and nights were more of the same...friendly faces, politeness, great housekeeping, chocolates on the nightstand and overall awesome treatment! So what did my stay cost you ask? Less than $300 US a night! [I've paid near that for a night at the Sheraton in Philadelphia and believe me, while the gourmet food and attentive service at the Applebees downstairs is good, it pales in comparison to The Oberoi.] What did I have to tip to receive such great service you ask? Nothing! [It turns out that none of Monica, Arjun or Himanshu would accept my attempted tips. While guests are welcome to leave a tip with the concierge in a sealed envelope at the end of their stay, it is not expected.] But of course I left a good tip. And I have a tip for all North American hotel managers...do your guests a service and take a "hospitality lesson" at The Oberoi in Gurgaon - while they set the standard in service, it's a standard I'm sure you could replicate here!

That's my take...what's yours?

Comments (1)

Forget Wall Street..."Occupy Strip Clubs!"

Let's face it, many people began Occupying Wall Street without even really knowing why they were there [other than they had nothing better to do] or what they were protesting against. Those participating in the "movement" have been as united in their ideologies and "causes" as the Tea Party and left wing Democrats have been on issues like gun control, taxes, gay marriage, abortion, etc. The "Occupy (insert location here)" movement [if you can call it that] has grown out of control and not in an effective way. [Not to say that it was ever in control in the first place. I read a headline this morning that an "Occupy the Tundra" movement has started in Alaska. How effective: three people standing out in the cold holding up anti-Wall Street/Bear Hunting/Oil Company/Whatever signs for the antelope to read.] But to be fair, common "causes" have emerged lately: "Stop corporate greed!" [Okay, let's do away with capitalism. The switch to socialism or communism shouldn't be too difficult a task in North America right?]; "They promised me a job after college and I didn't get one!" [Boo-hoo...but I'm not aware of any university that promises jobs to its students (if they did promise you one and didn't deliver, then sue the school!). Universities do promise you an education if you want one and you apply yourself though. Also, don't you think you would have a better chance of getting a job if you weren't hanging out on Wall Street with your buddies? Where do you think the 100,000+ educated people that got axed by their Wall Street firms over the last few years are spending their time today? My guess is that they're not Occupying Wall Street, the Tundra, etc.]; "I can't pay my outrageous student loan debt!" [See commentary to the previous "cause" above. And maybe you should have thought a bit more before you chose to major in English and minor in history. Don't tell me there aren't plenty of jobs available for these grads in the teaching and restaurant fields: You want fries with that?].

So in an effort to help out current and future Occupiers, and in light of the onset of the cool fall weather, I'd like to suggest some more-effective ways to protest in comfort.

1 - "Occupy Strip Clubs!" Who wants to stand outside braving the elements when you could be warm and fuzzy in your local strip club? [Of course if you live in Brazil, then you'd be warm but not fuzzy. Listen, it's common knowledge that these hard working ladies are stripping down to pay off their student loans. There is no better way to protest against unfair student loan debt than by Occupying your local strip club, tipping the ladies and visiting the champagne room [as often as humanly possible]. This way you put your cash directly into the...uhhh..."pockets" of those who need it. You can also help out your unionized brew-master-brothers by swilling back a few bottles of "Main Street bubbly". Two birds with one stone right? Warning: if you drink too much cheap draft beer while Occupying Strip Clubs, you'll likely be Occupying Your Bathroom for an extended period of time (but hey, at least you're Occupying something).]

2 - "Occupy Walmart!" [Protest against corporate thievery and greedy excess by refusing to leave the store! Steal some meat from the food section and barbecue it up in the outdoor section. Make yourself a living room in the furniture section and kick back with some stolen snacks and soda for a good night at the movies with a ripped-off Blu-ray copy of "An Inconvenient Truth" on a giant power-consuming flat screen! Show those Walmart managers that you will not tolerate the excess that they take for granted! While you're there you might as well fill out a job application (hey, you never know, you could be an assistant manager someday).]

3 "Occupy Your Bedroom!" [Protest against the hustle and bustle of capitalist society! Stay in bed all day, drink some beer (again, only to help your union brothers) and watch cartoons! Warning: don't expect your paycheck to continue hitting your account for very long - you'll probably end up Occupying The Unemployment Line at some point.]

Whatever you do, don't just sit there and do nothing [or do just sit there and do nothing, but Occupy something] and stand up and be heard [or don't stand up and be heard, but Occupy something]. Choose your Occupation! [And obviously, I'm not referring to a career.] It's time to act like the 1% of the 99% in order to show the other 1% who are not the 99% that you want what they've worked for and are 99% committed to getting their 1%! Occupy effectively and in comfort! But most importantly...Occupy something!

That's my take...what's yours?

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